Home, the hardest part

Sad, home from tour. Joyous, while I have a whole week to just hang out with Pablo (and do LOTS of laundry) but I am saying goodbye to playing the ship Titanic again. I love performing "April 14, 1912" with Theatre Rusticle. It is one of my favourite things I've ever performed. Even though there were times on the tour when I thought my body could use a break for one more day, I feel like I could go on exploring, testing, deepening the role for years and years. There is no concrete plan for the future of this play...

The week with Pablo went so quickly. I was upset to go back into rehearsals....and I went into a heavy rehearsal week to boot. When we were trying to get pregnant -- the whole 5 weeks we tired before success! -- I was worried about work after Pablo was born and somehow this year has been a heavier workload than many other years. I suppose I could say the Fates are asking me to choose wisely and feel deeply, both at work and at home.

There was a lovely fantasy quality to touring. Spending time during the day with baby and Dennes, Dennes working remotely and assertively while we had coffee by the ocean, swimming in hotel pools to warm up for the show, the ritual of putting on make up and doing hair -- these are things I never do at home. I'm lucky if I remember to put on mascara and have time to blow dry my hair. And that's not because I have a baby, that's just the way I've always been, excluding those heady hairspray days of high school wherein my tresses resembled those of Robert Smith, but kind of not in the cool way.

And the discipline of preparing for the show physically....this I cannot rein in satisfactorily when I'm not working on a show. This is part baby, but also partly due to my disinterest in most of the technical dance classes going on in Toronto. Yet a dancer at heart, I feel guilty for not being in daily class, though that has never been my forte or the thriving place.

At home my training of late consists of bouncing on the mini-trampoline while Pablo is in the jolly jumper of the exersaucer...or squeezing in Donna Krasnow's CI training DVD while baby naps. Pleasurable, but I'm starting to crave more.

I would also like to go to Cuba.
How's that for rambling all over the place.
Dreaming all over the place, like a messy head.


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