Sunday, December 23, 2007

I have been discouraged lately about this career I have chosen for myself. But I never question my desire or "rightness" of being a dancer, of absorbing all I can of dance. In the last month or so, it has come in direct relief against the rest of my life why it is that I dance rather than something else. Why I gave up songwriting and piano-playing for a less direct commune with audiences. There is something so wonderful --when one has felt misunderstood, like one's words are constantly twisted, why one feels one is tilting at windmills because the real enemy is formless-- about saying exactly what you mean with such specificity and completeness, and yet at the same time with such mystery and ephemerality, as when you 'speak' through dance. And to know that even if those people witnessing the dance do not understand it in express terms, they take something away from the experience. They can't help it. Unconsciously, viscerally, with kinesthetic sympathy they take it with them. A trace. That's all I ask, all I want. I talk myself right back onto this path again and will sign off now to go do some tendus and plies and splits in search of a strange new thing to say through my body...